Heart to Heart
I'm in Love with Jesus.
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Voice Of ReliefHave you ever been in a place of conflict. A point in life where things in your heart are colliding. Where you’re on the fence of decisions and beliefs and it’s like bombs exploding inside you from the polar differences of opinions to choose from. Your heart is being torn from one side of the fence to another without any sense of which is right. Religion versus politics. Love versus war. Friends versus family. You are almost always on the first side of the fence however, this year has been one of challenging beliefs. Making you give a “why” for every position you take.
At this point Jesus has dug out, uprooted and challenged numerous faults within you. He won’t let you take the easy way out. You can’t continue free-riding on the coat tails of your parents religious beliefs. That brings up so many conflicts within your heart. It’s as if your heart and your upbringing are at war for who gets first place. Deciding your own position is almost painful when it collides with your childhood. The question is, when this happens, what do you do? You don’t decide to quit altogether hoping one day you don’t have to face this challenge again. So you fight, you search and you pray that you come to a healthy conclusion.
There is always that voice though. You know that one stuffed deep down inside where no one is allowed to go, not even you. That voice crying out from the deep to be heard but you continue to pile on new voice after new voice. For some reason though, those new voices are never loud enough to silence that still small voice at the bottom of the pile. At some point you pull it back out and dissect it. The first implication is never right though. So you go back to the drawing board hoping the next sight of some kind of sense is right. Of course it isn’t. You continue until you get to this one meaning. It’s usually vague but somehow it hits a space in your heart that you once shut out from the world.
That meaning is always right. The one you hate, the one that brings pain yet sweet relief. You would so much rather use every other meaning for this voice. You try to make it fit into the puzzle you’ve put together… It doesn’t work. Frustrated you step back to ponder what life would look like if you lived as if this was solid Truth. Would everything change? Could your heart handle it? You know it is Truth. It is at that very moment in time you realize that voice. The gentle, soft voice in all the chaos and confusion. The one that challenges everything you know and yet somehow brings peace. That voice in all of its pain, in all of its peace, is Jesus.
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Worship. I can’t get over how much of me it brings out. I can’t do anything but be the me God created me to be when I worship. Nothing else seeps through except the heart He gave me. I love that no matter where life is going nothing brings me to His arms like singing His praises. His praises are the love in my soul. Worship is when my deep cries out to His deep. When hearts connect and nothing else matters. My heart is completely in love with His. Let’s be a people of worship. Let’s be a people that sing His praises to get through the day. I gots to worship just to make it today. Worship is the love language of my soul.
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I’ve been stuck in the house for 8 days now. And I’ve come by some pretty amazing songs that have completely wrecked me for Jesus. I can’t do anything but worship when I sing these songs. Here’s the songs and my favorite lyrics to them. Enjoy!! :)
Alive In Us- Hillsong
In everything,
Be exaltedYou rose from death to victory
You reign in life
Oh majesty
Your name be high and lifted up
Jesus, Jesus alive in us
The enemy is under Your feet
We are free
We are free
Death has been defeated by love
You overcome
You overcomeI’ve Found A Love- Bethel Music
I give glory and praise, adoration
To my Savior who’s seated on high
I’ve found a love greater than life itself
I’ve found a hope stronger and nothing compares
I once was lost now I’m alive in YouAftermath- Hillsong
The hands that cradle the stars
Are the hands that bled for meAnd in that moment You opened up the heavens
To the broken the beggar and the thief
Lifted out of the wreckage
I find hope in the aftermathAnd I know that You’re with me
Yes I know that You’re with me here
And I know Your love will light the wayRise- Hillsong
We will hold, we will love
We will fall in surrender
We will rise, we will run
We will live to declare Your Name
Forever to bring You praise
Forever we’ll lift up Your NameSwing the doors wider
Sound the praise louder
All our hearts cry out
For the glory of Your Name
Our God You will never fail
Lift the Name higher
Shine the light brighter
All the earth cry out
For the glory of Your Name
Our God You will never fail
Forever we’ll lift up Your NameShout Unto God- Hillsong
The enemy has been defeated
And death couldn’t hold You down
We’re gonna lift our voice in victory
We’re gonna make Your praises loudShout out to God with a voice of triumph
Shout out to God with a voice of praise
Shout out to God with a voice of triumph
We lift Your name up
We lift Your name upTake some time. Listen. Worship.
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I’m in this place where my heart understands but my body is struggling to shift towards my heart. My body wants a life of impurity, to let go of the purity my heart longs for. My head between the two. My head knows impurity isn’t what I long for. My body won’t ever satisfy me the way my heart wants to. My heart is connected to Jesus the way it becomes when you’ve walked with Him for any length of time. Now my life looks like a wreck spinning out of control giving me the feeling of control. In reality Jesus is keeping me from loosing everything He’s worked on. He’s keeping me from running to who I think I want to be and where He’s brought me to. He is giving me grace abundant and reminders of what my heart longs for. The heart He’s put in me. The long nights in my bed and the heart cries for just a drop of worship. I would be lying to say I can do this on my own. He’s been keeping my head above water. He’s sent me life saver after life saver. He sets my heart on fire and won’t let it stop burning till I talk to Him to at least surrender for a moment. He’s so in love with me and who I am, who He’s made me to be that I can’t throw that away.
This year has been about walking with Him alone and depending on Him, no one else. I’ve learned so much this year and I’ve spent a lot of this year thinking on my own without Him. Those times without Him were needed to see how much He wants ME. I know I want Him but those times where I walk off I always look back at Him and He’s always in tears. He’s always pleading on my behalf and though I don’t always walk back, that picture is forever burned into my memory. And so I’m excited to be in a fellowship. I’m in need of some people to be accountable to. I need people around me to keep pushing me and seeing through my walls. I don’t want to be fake, I want to be real but I also want Jesus. So this is me. I want to run the next 46 days as hard as I can for Christ. I want to finish strong, finish this chapter where it was leading to before I ran away.
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Sometimes I wonder why God gave me such an adventurous heart. I know He did it for some reason and I know it all makes sense in the grand scheme of things, but sometimes I wonder why. I can see some place I like, or even hear about it and be ready to drop everything and go. No matter what there is to do there. I’m so intrigued by the beauty in the world and everything in me wants to go explore.
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I want to start by first apologizing for the face I have put to Jesus. I’ve grown up calling myself a Christian claiming His name yet having a blind eye to the Love He is. Christians are supposed to defend Christ and His mission, not only with their words but with their actions. I confess I have done a horrible job at this. I want to love people but I get in the way. For that I am sorry.
I don’t want to arrogantly proclaim Jesus as someone who has it all together, because I don’t have it all together. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that I have all the answers and that I have no doubt, because I don’t. I have doubt but that’s where faith comes in. I have questions to which I don’t know when, or even if, I will ever get an answer. I’m right there with you. The difference between you and me is nothing really. We both have questions. Neither of us has it all together and I have doubts as well. The only thing different is that I have been CONVINCED that Jesus is who He says He is. That’s it.
So I’m not going to stop talking to you, or shove a Bible down your throat until you are convinced. No, I’m not going to stop praying for you because I love you but I won’t walk away. I’m not about to throw in the towel and call it quits on you because Jesus didn’t do that to me… and for that I am grateful.
I love you and I’m ready to show that to you in actions the best way I know how. I’m going to screw up and I’m going to fail you, but in the end my hope, my prayer is that you see Jesus is the rock that won’t ever be shaken. Jesus, He’s everything.
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My perspective on life has changed over the past 6 months. Coming to Washington I thought I was going to be completely alone and constantly depressed. I thought being a Christian was going to be so much easier because I wouldn’t have the influence of many people around me. I thought that my relationship with God was going to grow stronger but not progress much more. I saw all these amazing Christians but I always thought that I didn’t have the potential to be as great as them. Before I moved I thought that I was going to do everything in my power to move back once I turned 18, that was my goal. I thought my whole world was gonna come crashing down if I couldn’t move back to Phoenix.
Life has changed, God has changed my heart. I want so much more for my life than living for the life I once had. I want to go to New Zealand for 6 months for a discipleship training school with YWAM. I want to see my life go to ends that I didn’t even think were possible. Living in Washington has stretched me, I’m not completely alone and nowhere near being constantly depressed. Actually, to be honest, I think I’ve had more joy here in Washington just because of how much my perspective has changed. I now believe that I have potential to be everything God has created me to be.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m ready to dig deeper. I’m ready to open up places in my heart that have been blocked off from my reality. I’m ready to see my life move forward. I’m ready to jump in faith rather than be paralyzed with fear.
So here it begins, I’m nervous but excited to grow as a worshiper and as a Christian.
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Britt.
Asked by twerkmuhdicktadeath
oh my lanta. Haha The time when we went to a bunch of movie stores to find Peter Pan but we couldn’t so then we looked at random parks in neighborhoods and then I got pulled over by a cop…. Then I got a curfew ticket and you got to ride with the cop. Haha I will never forget that.
